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Sigh... Gonna make this sort of brief cause...well, thinking about it too long will fuck me up and make me depressed again. Carol called and sent a brief email wishing me a happy birthday. Of course, this is AFTER she assured me that she would call me back...(this is about a week? week and half before?) I'm not sure what to make of it. On one hand...she at least remembered which is a good thing. On the other hand...should I really be putting up with this? It's like..she fucking cares and then not cares about me at a whim. She ALWAYS says that she'll call me back and ALWAYS ends her little email notes with the words 'I miss you' but does she really? It's always been that way with her since things started to fuck up. Her WORDS seem sincere and true...but her actions always, ALWAYS prove otherwise. It's like saying you care and then walking away. Like saying that your door will always be open for someone and then slamming it in their face. It's like...swimming on a warm summer day and SUDDENLY hitting an ice cold pocket of water. The shock of it tears your breath away and you're left not knowing what the fuck to think. I don't know what to think...when you come down to it, I'm not sure that I want to be the kind of friends that only greet or talk to each other on birthdays and special occassions...maybe exchanging a few brief words before not talking for another couple months you know? It's draining...and fucking depressing. I don't know what to do...should I keep going on with this on again, off again kind of thing? Or just tell her straight up not to call or email me anymore cause I'm getting fucking TIRED of being cast aside like a used toy...? |