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Reunions = bad... It's funny when you realize how depression can work. For instance, it's not always heralded by horrible real-life events and doesn't always hit you like a freight train. Sometimes, it sneaks up on you. I sneaks up on you and insinuates itself into you life and way of thinking and poof, next thing you know, the next time you think about it, you realize that you're depressed and you have no idea at all how it came about. It came to me yesterday. It slipped up on me, slipped over me and it frustrates me. Went back to DMCI yesterday to meet up with people. Walked into the caf, they were having some sort of mock wedding ceremony thing for a show choir fundraiser and hey, it's Raymond. Seeing nobody else, I walk up to where he's singing on the stage as people walk down the center of the caf (the aisle) and just grin up at him till I can see him trying not to laugh. That was amusing. He finishes whatever part he had to do and he hops down and we chat for a minute or two when I feel a tap on my arm. Obviously, it's her. She looks different, not in a bad way, wearing a dark purple blouse and she like...half curled, half waved her hair? Not too sure of the exact terminology but her hair was wavy and looked nice. There was a "hi, it's so good to see you again," and I started heading with her and Raymond to where she was sitting. About halfway there, I remembered that I had lost Raymond's number and had him write it down for me and when he was done, I looked around in the direction that I knew Carol had gone and yet, I couldn't see her anywhere. However, I DID see Rose so when she waved, I went and sat by her and started talking. After a while, looking around, I still couldn't find Carol so I asked Rose where she was. She laughs and points behind me and I turn to see her sitting with some korean guy. This brings to mind the fact that she told me that she was going out with some korean guy so without words...it's strange how easily we understand each other, without words or letters or anything. When I had turned, she met my gaze and I gave her a questioning look. She tilted her head in the direction of the guy and shot me a look back and when I nodded, she looked down and a small (dare I say 'shy'?) smile crossed her face as she nodded. I nodded back and turned away. Like...the hell am I supposed to do? If she's having lunch with her boyfriend what am I supposed to do? Just jump in and interrupt them? Take her away so that I could talk to her after all these months? I'd fucked things up in just the same way twice before last year and there was no fucking WAY that I was going to do it again. I figured that when she was done having lunch with that guy, she'd come to me and we'd talk, so I waited. Their lunch period passed by without any further contact between us and when the bell rang, she grabbed her bag and the guy grabbed his bag and they left. How nice of her...not even a goodbye or hell, even a look and a nod. She just leaves without a word...but I've other things to occupy my mind. Kevin had shown up at last and I got the Short Story book from him and now that everyone that I knew had gone off to class, I tagged along with him as he said hi to people here and there and walked around the halls, looking into classes. Passing one class, I noticed a familiar face inside. So I waited there, out of sight of the teacher until eventually, Carol turned towards the door and sees me. Not a wave or a smile, she mouths the word 'ditcher' -.- Thinking to myself what a fucking pissoff the day was turning out to be, I just turned and left and went to the guidance office to pick up my diploma. Nothing too much happened after that. Just went to the mall after we got kicked out for trespassing and walked around there a bit with Kevin before heading home. I just kept thinking to myself, "what the fuck is wrong with that kid?" I mean, shit, if anything she ditched me. . . . didn't she? I dunno why I dwell on this kind of shit when I was bound and determined not to let anything she did affect me anymore but damnitall, she's fucked in the head -.- Maybe just avoiding her completely is the answer... As a final note, Happy Friday the 13th... |