|
|
|
|
     |
Confusion You know that sinking feeling that you get when things just start to spiral out of control and you feel that everything is just...so far out of your control that all you feel is a depressed, sense of confusion? Yeah, I got it now... You would honestly think that I'd be able to learn my fucking lesson after having it slap me in the face once you know? But fuck no...long story short, when I wasted $250 and fucked up my highway road test, I was kind of pissed and when Lauren tried to help me through it, I sort of brushed her off. Does this sound familiar to you? Of course...brushing her off while she was only trying to help is OBVIOUSLY NOT the right fucking thing to do. I know that but at the time, felt like the whole world was against me and..yeah...I know that it's one fuck of a lame excuse but it's all I got. I think I pretty much pissed her off royally, although she won't tell me so, only that she's "a bit frustrated" with me. I kind of translate that to totally pissed. Things feel strange between us right now...more distant than before. I'm feeling down... I have this thought, like an interpretation of how I feel she's feeling and I don't like it. I know that it's most likely not what's going on...but once that idea hit my head, I can't get it the fuck out and it's terrifying me... I feel...that the way she's acting suggests that she's tired of me...that she wants to end things between us and just isn't because she doesn't want to hurt me. I just gotta say...that terrifies the living fuck outta me and I'm not quite sure what to do with it except to tell the thought to get outta here and hope for the best. As for me...I'm just keeping on as if things will turn out alright in the end...hoping for the best as it were...guess only time will tell. As for this...just felt that I should let you guys know what's going through this head of mine...to keep you up to date I guess. If it bugs you or nothing, just turn right around and pretend you didn't read it...and let's not talk about this. I'm just...really not feeling up to a conversation about it. I know that whatever you guys may feel you want/should say, you mean the best...but I'm just really not feeling up to it. If it bugs you to hear this kinda stuff...let me know and I'll start putting up big warning signs at the start of every post :P. |