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Something's Up There's something decidedly wrong with me lately. I've been feeling 'off' for a few weeks now but it's mostly been a small thing, seeming to be nothing but the normal changes of mood that we all go through sometimes. We can't be happy 24/7 now can we? Everyone has some downtime and I thought that this was just mine but in light of some recent events, I'm seriously starting to wonder. Lately (as in the past couple of days lately), things have sort of been coming to a head. The last few weeks, maybe a month has been a me of a stupidly short temper and low tolerance and this is really nothing new. It comes over me occasionally, the feeling that I get when I feel a bit swamped and the urge to snap at folks, the urge to be snarky about the little niggling things that I shouldnt actually give two shits about. If it was just this I'd feel no real...well, no especial need to bother explaining. We all have our bad times and though mine have been coming with disturbing frequency lately, it was after all, nothing but one of the downtimes. Recent events and shifts make me question this. The past few days, maybe two or three, there's been an...intensifying of the previously mentioned changes which, while a bit worrying, is still nothing completely out of the ordinary. Then came the mood swings. Mood swings too are nothing particularly new. Trying to think about or describe it now is what worries me. Going from being depressed to happy or vice versa isn't what worries me. What worries me is the intensity and frequency of them with no discernible triggers. Over the past few days I'd shift from feeling ridiculously happy and fine (almost euphoric) to a ridiculous level of self recrimination and low self esteem at the snap of the fingers. Then back again. Yoyoed back and forth numerous times over the course of the day with zero reasons that I could pick up. Maybe there is a cause of the snap changes of mood, maybe there is a trigger that set it off numerous times during the day but if there is, I have no idea what it was or could be. I flip flop between them and it disturbs me. Oddly enough though, it's only when I'm talking to people that this happens, if I'm on my own then while it does happen, the severity of it isn't nearly as bad as it is when I'm talking with folks. It still happens...but the shifts are down to a much more manageable and ignorable level. Then comes the new developments. The past day, maybe day and a half I've been having some...decidedly odd moods. You know how sometimes you get the urge to laugh, that's perfectly normal...maybe a little strange when there's nothing that happens that's funny...but still, it happens. Sometimes too, maybe you get the urge to cry, just a feeling comes over you and you sort of feel like crying. Like the laughter, nothing really triggers it...but it sometimes happens and we deal as best as we can. Have you ever had both at the same time? It feels...extremely odd. I don't DO it...nor have I DONE it but I can feel the urge there just beneath the surface when it pops and I know that if I relax myself a little and let go of it, it'll happen and that's....something...I don't really want. I want to try get a grip on myself. If I'm quieter than I normally am for a day or two, it's likely due to this. If I was snarky or short with you or yours lately, I apologize. If you didn't/don't notice a difference then all the more power to you, hopefully you still see me as relatively normal. That is all. |