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Dream 12: Heartache This is just a small taste of what I've been wrestling with almost every night in the past week. The format of the dream may change a bit from situation to situation but the intent and the sentiments expressed in each one remain essentially the same. Woke up in the mornings with some plans to hit Pacific Mall with someone, a friend who had a car and was willing to drive around, pick me up and head there. Had some problems with my socks, something about not sure which one was left and which one was right and so I remember trying them each on on each foot and then the other until I had something that seemed right. I hear a car honk outside so I quickly finish up with the sock nonsense and head out. Locking the door, I can see the passenger side of the car through the little breezeway next to the house and I think I see a familiar face but don't want to trust my eyes. Being careful not to slip on the ice, I make my way out to the gate, past it and then to the car. I've seen clearly now who the other person is and I enter the car feeling nervous and tightened up inside. She's sitting in the passenger seat and there are greetings all around and we begin driving without another word. Without conscious direction...I find my arms going forward, around the back of the seat to slip around her shoulders, to hold her. It's a fairly cold day, but she's very warm... She begins to speak. Fearing and expecting a rebuke or some sort of warning, I make to pull my hands back to me when I feel her own hands latching onto mine and drawing them even closer against her. This feels so freaking right it's scares me...I feel that there's nothing else in the world that can give to me what this small gesture does. I look at her reflection in the side mirror and find that she's looking at me as well. In an almost dream-like state, I think to myself: Is this before or after you ended my world? She seems to know what I'm thinking, maybe she read my mind. She responds, "It's after Perry. It's after and things are good with us again." I know that it's a dream. I know it. But a part of me hopes...the hope remains alive because it's the one thing that no one's figured out how to kill yet. So I go on hoping...I go on wishing and dreaming. I feel content...I feel content and happy to a degree that I can't seem to achieve anymore when awake. The dream goes on for a bit longer...then as we pull into the parking lot of the mall... I wake up...my arms feel empty... One of the worst feelings in the world...to be given a renewed hope, even just in your dreams, and to have it snatched away and shredded like it was nothing at all... |