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Memories 3: The Big Jacket It's funny how memory works sometimes...at times, no matter how much you WANT to remember something, it dances at the tip of your tongue, forever out of reach. At other times...the memories will burst, full blown to the front of your brain, sometimes...you know, sometimes, they ache. It sounds weird, I know, but it does. With longing I guess...for the simpler times and the happy memories, away from the stresses and worries of the present, the old memories, the rare ones that are crystal clear...they hurt sometimes. When they hit me...sometimes...sometimes...I can really feel an ache in my chest, a tightness of breath and a sadness in my heart and soul that threatens to take my breath away. Why would sadness and loss be associated with happy memories of happy times? Because I can't get back to them...because for better or for worse, they're lost to me now and I can't go back. It's like, when you're completely stressed out, you remember seeing yourself so...at ease and content with life...It's SoRT of like that...but not quite...I'm not really explaining myself well...but I'll just end with this. When those memories come...the ones that are so clear...yet look like they're being viewed through a slight haze or fog...when they come, I could almost cry... I was writing my Sociology term test today and right in the middle, as I was beginning the essay question, in the middle of a sentence, it drifts into my mind, stays for a moment while I seem to...'relive' it? And then just as easily departs, leaving me with a smile on my face as I continue writing. The memory? Here... I have this jacket...it has two parts, an inner fluffy sweater part and and an outer, water resistant, wind breaker kind of thing. Now, they're detachable from each other, so in a sense, I have TWO jackets. Now this jacket is big...I mean, it's big even for me. I wear it normally, the bottom of the jacket hits a bit above my knees and with my hands down at my sides, the VERY tips of my fingers can just barely reach past the cuff. And I mean REALLY, JUST BARELY. TIny slices of flesh can be seen if you looked from the side. But regardless of that, that jacket is amazingly warm if I wear em together and despite how big it is, it's comfy ^.^ I remember wearing it to school one day...on a sort of cold day. And that day...it was one of those Writer's Craft classes devoted to peer editing where only 6-7 people show up. I had my jacket with me cause I was late getting to school and had just come from outside. I remember...that somehow, I got you to put it on. And the sight of you...someone so short wearing a jacket so big...it was soooo...I dunno, I don't even really have the right words for it. Cute? Sweet? Endearing? Heart-warming? . . . Ridiculously funny? ^.^ To coin a phrase my sister once used, it was like you were swimming around in it Juliette. My jacket fell to your knees and your hands...well, they were just plain out of sight XD I remember the class ending and walking down the hallway with you...You so short...in such a big jacket...I can't believe that I forgot that...even for a little while. I remember leaving it with you, telling you to come and find me in the cafeteria and give it back to me then. I remember I was playing cards with Matt, Soo and Mike when you came by...you had papers in your hand, were constantly pushing up the sleeves so that you could SEE what your hands were doing and a little grin on your face... I remember that just before you handed it back to me, you flapped your arms a few times, complaining about how big it was and I remember...most of all, how much I wanted to record that moment. To capture it...or at the very least, to take a picture cause you looked so damned....well, any of those terms I used a little while ago. That day...that memory burst full-blown into my mind while writing my test...I don't know why...but I"m glad that I was reminded of it...and decided that I would write it down. |