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First Month It's crept up on me. Before I ever really realized it or knew what was happening, I suddenly woke up to realize that I'd been going out with Lauren for a little under or a little over a month now. Do you find it surprisingly that neither of us know the exact date? Usually I would be one to keep track of such things eh? To be honest, for me, things have been very...odd. Not in any bad way but it's almost as if the world has taken on a very surreal hue and I'm just not that sure of many things anymore. I find it kind of amusing that SHE didn't keep track of the date, after all, isn't it always the girl who's supposed to bitch at the guy when he forgets an anniversary? Armed with that stereotype, I just didn't really think about it...and now neither of us know. It's funny the way things work out sometimes isn't it? As a result of that, I've decided on my own that I'll either celebrate the entire damned month of August (figure if I treat EVERY day of the month as our anniversary, I'll get it right sooner or later right? ^.^) or the more practical solution, work with the last week of August instead of the whole month. That kind of makes planning stuff to do more flexible you know? XD So I've been with this girl for one...really incredible month. Seriously, I'm finding it strangely hard to put into words exactly how happy this has all made me. As a case in point...the ONLY time that I can remember being this happy was last Christmas. That was when I for some reason couldn't sleep till about 5 in the morning and spent the wee hours of the night making pretty christmas emails for the happy folks. That's the last time I remember being this happy and that was only for a couple of hours before it was shot down by my parents Christmas morning (for being a bit slow getting ready to leave for family's hosues) and this mad, happy high has been going on almost without a single pause for about a month now. It boggles my mind. To celebrate the fact that it had been a month...we went out for dinner and a movie at the fancy and illustrious ...Scarborough Town Center. XD I seriously need to start getting my brain to work for better ideas when we go out. This dinner at the mall and movie thing is kinda getting old. She's not complaining...tells me that as long as we're together, she doesn't mind where we go or what we do but I'M starting to!! I want better for her! I want to do more for her than just the same old, dinner and a movie plan that seems to be the predominant dating motif these days. Now if only I could get my mind working in that direction... but anyway, back to the story. I had worked out a plan to pleasantly surprise her when awaking from a nap in class on Thursday afternoon. How happy would she be to find a rose in the drivers seat of her car as we walked out of the theater? That was the picture I saw in my mind's eye that started this whole train of thought about how I would get that done. For one thing...the main problem I saw standing in my way was that fact that it was HER car that we were going to be moving around in and as much as I would like to surprise her like that, hell, SHE was the one with the keys you know? The solution to that problem...I figured out on my own. I just figured that I could go in, wait till she had bought her meal then do the whole "oh silly me" act and claim that I had left my wallet in my bag, which I "conveniently" left in her car. At which point, I'd run like a crazy bastard outside and around the mall to the other entrance, hit the flower store, buy a rose, run back out to her car, set it up then back inside where HOPEFULLY she wouldn't really think about why I was gone for so long. Joyce suggested the idea and got me thinking that I should just kinda...sneak up behind her and pop it in her face and surprise her that way...but I was leaning against that. Then...Sunday night, talked it over with David who's my "romantic advisor" XD. Mainly due to his well versed knowledge of those sappy korean drama shows...whatever else I may say about them, they've got some nice ideas to steal here and there according to him XD. He got me back to thinking that leaving it in her car to surprise her was the best way to go. And so, the plan was hatched...all that was left was its execution. Monday finally came around after what felt like the longest weekend of my life. As we were walking to her car...I had an arm around her and she had hers around me...when I suddenly remembered that all my money and debit card was still in my wallet in the backpack on my back XD. I remember planning to transfer the cash and card to my pocket during my last class but I fell asleep during it and totally forgot about it. So I SOMEHOW managed to do so while I was walking with her without her noticing anything out of the ordinary. Or at least, I HOPE that she didn't notice anything out of the ordinary...though I must say, it was kinda hard to get the cash out of my wallet which was in the back pocket of my backpack with one arm and someone walking RIGHT next to me on the other side XD. The ride over there wasn't very eventful though we DID kind of get lost for a brief moment cause of my horrible sense of direction XD. She parked, I said that I'd leave my bag in the car cause I didn't feel like carrying the damned thing around. Went in...then of all the unholy terrors, this girl went and bought her own movie ticket! What kind of backwater society was this girl raised in, honestly I ask yoU? Though I learned later that it wasn't how she was raised cause she asked her mother about it and got the answer that she should have let me pay her way. Ha, so BOOYA for that, I was right XD. We go inside the mall after I give up and let her buy her own ticket :P and I kinda nudge her to buy her meal first. Once she did...I went through my whole song and dance but I would like it here on the record that at no point did I lie to her. I told her that I needed to go to get my wallet which was in her car...I just failed to mention that all the money IN the wallet was then in my pocket XD. I walked casually till I was out of sight, blocked by some bigass plants then started running like hell XD. You must remember that I'm horribly out of shape so while the distance that I ran wasn't that great, it still took a lot out of me to get out, hook around to the other entrance, go in, down the stairs and to the flower shop. There I discovered that long stemmed roses weren't as expensive as my friend had lead me to believe and I was thinking about getting a dozen...but being perfectly frank, it seemed a little too...early for that maybe? I'm sure that she would have loved em and all...but I kind of got the feeling that it might have been a bit much. ANYWAY, ran back up the stairs (those took a lot outta me going up), out the entrance, alllll the way across 2 parking lots to her car, set up the rose, now just jogging/trotting, head back into the mall and back to her. I bought food on the way to give myself some extra time to cool off and when I got back to her, told her some goofy story about how I couldn't decided whether to bring my bag, just my wallet or just the cash and ended up walked back and forth like an idiot outside. She seemed to swallow it without any hesitation and while we ate, I made much of the fact that she had bought her own ticket and told her that I would get her for it. Unknown to her, the deed was already done but it was fun to play as if it hadn't been XD. Saw the movie "Shaun of the Dead" which wasn't a bad movie at all. It's been marketed as a Romantic Zombie Comedy and doesn't do too bad at all. Lotta jumpy moments which were happy moments for me as I felt a hand suddenly hold tighter to mine XD. Eventually...the movie ended and...we walked out to her car :D. She opened her trunk and I got out my bag...she hugged me goodbye. This was because she wanted to drive me home but I kind of insisted that she should just go home, that the RT and the buses ran frequently enough even at that late hour. Moved around to the drivers side and...started laughing ^.^. Yeah, I know how it sounds guys but it was good laughter...like that of someone confronted with something nice that they completely didn't expect. It was just...a great sound. A happy sound and she'd drift off only to look at it again and start again. It was a very...'rewarding' feeling? Kind of like a..."well, then THAT'S okay now isn't it?" feeling. She hugged me again, I held her close and we just stayed there when I suddenly realized just how perfect it all was. It was a slightly chilly night, making it perfect for me and slightly cold for her, which kind of made her get closer ^.^. I had a beautiful girl in my arms that I cared the world about, a chilly night, a full moon in an otherwise clear night sky. It was all just...perfect. It was absolutely gorgeous. And...there came a point when I realized that while I was still holding her and she was still holding me, we were kind of looking at each other real close. Somehow we'd gotten face to face, about an inch or two away from each other and had been that way for a while. Looking at it now...and thinking of it later on, I think that I should have kissed her...the perfect end to a perfect night... But...in the end, I pulled away gently and told her that she should be heading home. I think of it and think that I really should have...or should have tried at any rate but I didn't because I was scared. Scared of what...? Well, in general, just screwing things up I guess. You have to understand...with no exaggeration at all, this girl has got to be the best thing that's happened to me since the last time I've let someone into my inner circle of friends and that was pretty much a year ago. And to be frank, it's been a helluva shitty year if you consider some of the highlights. Then just...like light at the end of a tunnel this girl shows up and knocks me off my feet. Well...that's not exactly right considering it took a while after I met her for anything to happen...more like she stole into my heart and set up a living space over the summer without me realizing it. I know that I shouldn't be...really, I do but just...*sigh*. I've even tried talking to her about this, my occasional fear, not that night and she tells me that I really shouldn't worry. She tells me these things...I wonder sometimes why I still find myself afraid of this very same thing. Talk about irrational fears huh? But it's not THAT hard to understand now is it? I mean, when you get something that's too good to be true...isn't your first fear that it IS too good to be true? I'm having a hard time convincing myself that this is real...that it all just isn't some REALLY nice dream that I'm having you know? This entry was written over the course of two nights as I was too tired on the first night to finish it. Today, me, Uriel, Derek and Lauren (^.^), skipped last class and hit Pacific Mall, mainly because we were determined to get Uriel into the world of anime and had decided that Ninja Scrolls was the perfect thing for him to whet his teeth on considering his personality and temperement. Derek picked up Ju-On while he was there (the japanese version of "The Grudge") and the idea was born, to raid Derek's house and watch Ju-On that night. Ju-On had a slightly disjointed timeline but was FULL of creepy moments and jumpy scares. Lauren was sitting next to me, leaning back on me for most of the movie and man...it's just SUCH a great feeling. I mean...god, anytime she spoke, I could feel vibrations through her back, she's just so warm when I hold her ... With my arms across her stomach and shoulders, I could feel her breathing. I could feel every breath she took and more than that, when she got nice and scared at a tense part of the movie, I could feel the beating of her heart as it sped up and strengthened through her hands and wrist and very lightly through her back. It's just...a...an absolutely remarkable feeling. It's just...it had to be THE most comforting and like...indescribably GOOD sensation that I've ever felt. It made me feel very warm...made me feel so protective of this wonderful person in the circle of my arms... It's been a month already in the blink of an eye...and I sometimes wonder what the future will hold for us. I wonder if it will be long, if it will be good...but then, when I see her again and hold her in my arms...just...none of it seems to matter anymore. None of it seems to matter and all that I can think of is one thing... She's so warm... ^.^ |